In-law Trouble…During the Wedding Planning Process

You want cookie favors. Your groom’s mother wants candle favors. You want an intimate 75 guest wedding affair. Your groom’s father wants every colleague of his previous five jobs in attendance.  These disagreements may cause you to want to tear your hair out and uninvite your family in-laws all together but we’re here to tell you this pre-wedding family drama cycle is not uncommon.

If there is already a rift between you and your soon to be new family then all problems will come to the surface during your wedding planning process. Even if you think nothing but the best of your groom’s family, personalities may still collide. Here are some suggestions on how to keep your groom’s family from feeling completely excluded while keeping them from running your show.

First, only allow them to have as much say as you feel comfortable with. Bring up topics you don’t mind their input on. For example, get their opinion on the overall size of the wedding, especially if both sides are sharing the costs. Asking them to draw out their own guest list should occupy their time for a week or two. Also, whether or not the groom’s family is paying for the rehearsal dinner let them decide when and where it will take place.  The groom’s mother will have the biggest expectations about how she believes her son should get married but don’t be shy to diplomatically remind her that you have had your big day planned out since you were a little girl and already have a clear idea of what you want. Keep the focus on her; engage both mothers in what they are wearing the day of in case they want to coordinate their attire. Do not bring the groom’s family to places where you will feel pressured to take them up on their suggestions. Do not take your groom’s mother and sisters to pick out your dress if you’re not willing to listen to them. Do not bring them invitation options if you already have an idea of which one you like. After you have made your decisions show them that they are the first ones you are letting know by giving them a phone call right after you have left the wedding site or a meeting with a vendor. It helps having a wedding planner because you can use his or her expertise and experience as more back up to why you picked what you picked.

 In the end, most families all mean well and the louder they voice their opinion the more they are trying to tell you that they care and don’t want to be left out in the dark. So the next time you’re sitting at the kitchen table listening to your groom’s family second guess every wedding detail that you have decided on, bear in mind you do have to see them again after all this is through. So take a deep breath and remember that they may be crazy but now you’re a part of their family crazy too.